What internal void am I trying to fill by surrounding myself with stuff that stops satisfying me after the allure wears off?
What is missing from my life?
I ordered a shirt I saw on an ad off of Instagram. The shirt is a blue and white striped top with a high neck and these bell sleeves that flow effortlessly when you bend your arm. I thought to myself, “You just got a new job and you need new work clothes that are proper to your position!” I clicked add to cart and also added a wool drape coat that I had been tirelessly searching for.
The coat came and after putting it on I felt like a potato sack.
The shirt came and after putting it on I actually felt pretty. It was a bitch to put on since it requires a zipper in the back and it also has these strands of fabric to tie into a bow around each arm that require a third arm to tie it. Couldn’t use my boyfriend to help since he was sleeping so I waited until I got to work to have my coworker zip and tie for me.
At first I felt really confident and pretty. I walked taller with my shoulders back and felt like I carried myself differently. Until, I went to the bathroom and I saw in the light how I looked in my brand…new…shirt. The bottom was wrinkled from sitting along with the sleeves from shoving them into my coat. The material was stiff and didn’t really hug my curves. I realized quickly that it’s not the shirt I was after but the look of confidence I wanted from the model in the photo. At this point it’s a matter of my weight and how I look overall than it is about buying a new shirt to feel good in.
When they say money can’t buy happiness it reins true to a point. Instead of buying new clothes I should be focused on making myself feel happy inside. Better and healthier food. It’s better to indulge yourself in a good meal than it is on a shirt that was an instantaneous purchase. I’ve come to realize now that the clothes don’t make you. You make you.