Sharing Spaces

This is my favorite topic to talk about because I never saw my life playing out this way! I moved into my first studio apartment when I was 24 and a month later my boyfriend moved in. At first it started out as only “a couple of weeks” which soon turned into months and then lo and behold I was fired from a job I never should have taken. My live in boyfriend became my saving grace (since I wasn’t charging him rent he took on the good deed of paying my rent for 3 months).

At first it was great having my boyfriend living with me. I got to wake up to him every morning and since we had only been dating for 6 months it certainly had that “newlywed bliss” couples experience after tying the knot and moving in together. However, we weren’t newlyweds and we certainly didn’t agree on everything but since it was my apartment my boyfriend chose not to voice a lot of his opinions. Wrong move. As a woman, I can sniff that shit out pretty easily.

It was trying at times when he would go to work and I’d be home splitting my time between applying for jobs and catching up on 8 season of Real Housewives of New York and waiting for him to come home and give me attention. Sounds juvenile but when you can’t afford to go out and roam around your new neighborhood you basically sit at home waiting for your bestie, as was in my case.

I definitely didn’t feel like myself in the months I wasn’t working. I treated it as positively as I could banking on the promise of a job around the corner. I focused on doing positive meditation and carrying my crystals with me as I found comfort in their energy and I also started working out and eating better. The space did get crowded having my boyfriend and I living in a 485sq ft studio apartment but the reason we make it work is because we love each other enough to know when to give each other space.

Luckily, my boyfriend and I are big readers. We are able to sit in silence reading a good book while sitting next to each other on the bed. We have a tv and I have an Amazon Firestick so we can watch Hulu and Netflix so we’ll watch the occasional documentary on healthy eating or the economy (he’s an economics major).

I will say at times when we argue it is harder for me to find a place to go and calm down when the only walls I have are that of my bathroom. It’s funny to think but most of our fights tend to happen at night so instead of walking out (which I’ve never been one to do) I usually find myself taking a shower to calm myself down.

In regards to the kitchen well that’s easy because my boyfriend is set in his ways of eating out constantly so often times I’m the only one who truly steps foot into the kitchen. It’s amazing to think that before I had my own place I never really cooked a lot. I always had my mom doing most of the cooking or I’d make something quick and easy to eat. Once I was on my own, and had limited funds without a job, I began to carefully pick my groceries so that I could make enough food to last me a few days. My boyfriend does tend to treat me to free meals here and there since I take on the burden of our lease but being able to rely on myself is always the main priority.

I love having a live in boyfriend but I never take it for granted. Luckily, we’re both pretty laid back and don’t argue much over the way certain things are. At the same time, this is my first apartment so of course, I’ve decorated it to my liking. All decked out in Parisian style. He’s brought it up out of concern, that if our relationship continues to progress and we decided to get a bigger place together, that I won’t decorate it as such. I’ve assured him that this is my play house and a place together will surly be decorated as a couple.

I never anticipated my boyfriend would move in not long after I did but I love having him around and it’s truly made me more accountable for my actions and also shown me that he is someone I am happy to have in my life. People always say NOT to live with someone until you’re engaged or married but I think it’s based on what feels right. If my boyfriend hadn’t moved in I’m sure we’d still be together but then I wouldn’t have someone to sleep next to at night and feel secure when I turn the lights out and go to bed. Society doesn’t have to dictate your path, only you and your feelings.

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